Holidays

As long as I can remember, November, December and January have always been my favorite time of the year.  I love the holidays that fall within these months.  However, this year, Im just not feeling it. This is the first year in my daughter's life that I will not be seeing her for any of the holidays.  She is stuck at Fort Bragg, working.  There was many a year I had to work on the holidays, but Im the mother, it was kind of expected in the field that Im in. I remember when the kids were small, back in the Santa Clause days, I worked the 6:30 am-3:30 pm shift.  My kids would actually WAIT for me to get home from work to open their gifts.  They knew how much it meant to me to watch them.  They drove my husband nuts, of course, while I was at work, but they waited.  I remember seeing their little faces looking out the window waiting for me to drive in, and then they would fall over each other running to the door to greet me. I dont know who was more excited, me or them! As they grew older, it was easier for them to wait. They were pretty used to mom working Christmas by then, and the Santa Clause days passed, but they still got really excited to see me come through the door.  I never gave it a thought back then that someday we wouldnt be together at the holidays. But here it is, this year.  Of course, I still have Christopher here at home, and I need to maintain tradition for him, and probably me too.  Of course, I dont have to work on Christmas's anymore, of course not, now that they are older. So it's boxing up gifts this year, and sending them out.  But in all my gloomy thoughts of not spending Christmas with my soldier, I came up with the bright idea that we can skype!!  We can still see each other open gifts! I will still be able to see the joy on my daughter's face! Very thankful for technology.  Emily is getting a medical discharge from the army. I have mixed feelings about that. She is very disappointed. Although she does not always like living the life with the government owning her, she had planned on making this a career, and those dreams will be shot by next year, when she gets out. Unfortunately, she will always live with an injury from her stent in the service.  Like I said, I have mixed feelings about her getting out.  Secretly happy (selfish reasons) because I truly think this will be my only Christmas without her, because she wont be enlisted next year. However, she is still married to a soldier, who could have his base changed overseas at any time.  Sigh.... Point being, she is not a kid anymore who lives with me and HAS to spend every holiday with me. I guess Im just having a hard time accepting that.  Anyway, I will make the most of this Christmas, but just not feeling it like I used to!

A year Wiser

Oddly, I had forgotten all about the fact that I started a blog in 2009! I was posting on a friend's blog and she happened to come across mine and asked if I was going to resume writing. What?? How could I have forgotten I got this thing going with the intent to keep myself updated on life's little happenings.  A year older, a few more dead brain cells!

A lot has happened since my last posting. I still live in the same house, have the same job, married to the same man, I think my car is different than 2009, but my kids.....now my kids are always causing changes in my life. And thats not always a bad thing!
Emily got married, unbeknown to us, her parents, last March. She met a fellow army soldier, fell in "love", and got married 3 months later.
Stunned, Shocked, Furious, dont even come close to how her dad and I felt when we actually "guessed" that she had married this guy. No, she did not tell us, we "guessed a week after it happened. Again, not in my life plan for her, just like her joining the military wasnt. However, I have come to decide that my life plans for her are exactly that- MY life plan FOR HER.  Wake-up call. I raised her to be a good, decent person with emphasis on not being afraid of going against the tide. I told her "be your own person, dont ever try to emulate someone or something else, express your individuality"  She takes that advice every day. It shows in the many colorful tattoos she has displayed on various areas of her skin.  Soooo  I need to back off. She is 20 now, out of my control. I am always there to support her and love her. That is my job now, and I no longer hold any of my life plans for her, because her plans really havent turned out that disasterous yet.

Christopher is a Senior! My baby! Now Christopher has no life plans at the moment, and I dont hold any for him. He will find his way through life. He can get by on his personality alone. He is a kind, funny, caring sort of guy. Everybody's friend.  I am proud of both of my kids, no matter how it turns out.

I have grown wiser in the fact that I am able to relax a little. I am able to let bygones be bygones, and not to let the small stuff build into big stuff. Things that bothered me last year, dont bother me this year. I find myself looking forward to the future now, rather than dreading it. Life is good

Jan 1,2011

So not sad to close out 2010. What an emotional roller coaster the year has been. I had such a hard time with Emily leaving home. Isn't this what we prepare our kids to do?? Why is it so hard when they do it? Emily is in the US Army and I couldn't be prouder. Is this the path I would have chosen for her? Absolutely not! But she chose that path, and if I do say so myself, is absolutely thriving in it. Too far away from home for me, and I actually grieved her leaving. No sooner that I was getting over that, and my dad died so suddenly on Aug 31. Playing a game of volleyball, of all things. So sudden, it left us all reeling. I have many questions with no answers. I will never get the answers. I only have to move on. But wow, did I learn a lot of life lessons from his passing. Never take anyone or anything for granted. Do not sweat the small stuff, and I know what the small stuff is. Live life lighter. That is my motto as I enter 2011. Live life lighter. Every day is our last day. We cannot fix some of the mistakes we make. We cannot take back hurtful words, we cannot live a memorable moment again. Live each day like it's your last. What a freaking revelation I had when my dad died. Life is SOOOOOO short. Lets not dwell. I am a changed person because of a death. The thought of a man who loved life so much, and is no longer in it, is too huge to wrap my head around. I cannot imagine not being in life anymore. I love you dad.. But lets focus on the living. My children, my husband, myself. This is what I need to live each day for.

So Emily is all graduated from high school! What a bittersweet day that was for me. I really thought I would spend the day in tears, as sentimental as I am, but I had no time for tears, never mind any time to think about what was actually taking place that day! I barely remember seeing her get her diploma, and then BAM! It was over. 12 long years in school, getting prepared to go out into the world with all the knowledge gained, and it is over with the handing over of a diploma, that I dont even remember seeing her get! Wow! Thank goodness for the invention of the camera.

She leaves in two weeks for Basic Training. Is she ready for that? I know I'm not! What a way to grow up quick! I am thinking the next time I see her, in September, she will be a totally different person with an attitude adjustment. Not a bad thing, Lord knows she could use a new attitude at times. I am not ready to let go, but the choice is not mine, now is it? Life in the house will be strange without her. She keeps me on my toes and keeps my mind sharp with worry and stress!

Sunny Boy will still be home, thank goodness. Hopefully, he will remain the person he is, and keep the house stress-free!

On another note, today is Oreo's (my dog) 9th birthday. We let him have some extra treats today and we brought him in the car with us every time we left. What a great dog he is. The smartest dog I ever saw. And no, I am not being prejudiced. He is truly the smartest dog. Happy Birthday Oreo! And Happy Birthday tomorrow to mom. 69 years young.

the beginning

I have always wanted to blog but never realized how simple it was until today, so here goes. I was thinking this morning, as Thanksgiving is drawing near, about the things in my life that have truly blessed me. My family of course is the main thing. It is difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that Emily is 17 and will be graduating and starting her own life in the Army, far away from me. She has accomplished so many things in her short life already. Her musical talents never cease to amaze me, her perserverence in tasks that she takes on, and the way she is just so warm to everyone she meets. I cannot imagine my life with her gone, but that is pretty selfish of me, isn't it? And Christopher, his sooooo laid back personality, how he rarely gets mad at anyone, he has the most even temperament of any teenager I know. He has such an ability to make me laugh, even when I am in my worst of moods! He's the kind of kid you just want to protect from the cruel part of the world, so as not to break his gentle and happy spirit. I am thankful I have a few more years of him being at home.

And then I look at Chris and I. Together for 28 years, married for 21 of them. Who would have thought high school sweethearts could still be together in this day and age, when divorce is so commonplace. I am so thankful for the work we put into our marriage. Difficult at times, yes, but well worth the effort. We have changed together, and for that, we are so fortunate.

And lastly, I am so thankful for my decision to make a move in my career. I could not be happier with my new job. Although I loved hospital nursing, I did not even like what goes on around hospital

nursing. Way too many politics and policing.I dont think I could be happier doing what I am doing now. I feel better physically and emotionally, and that alone speaks volumes to me about my big move. I am going to go enjoy the sunny fall day now in Vermont.