Holidays

As long as I can remember, November, December and January have always been my favorite time of the year.  I love the holidays that fall within these months.  However, this year, Im just not feeling it. This is the first year in my daughter's life that I will not be seeing her for any of the holidays.  She is stuck at Fort Bragg, working.  There was many a year I had to work on the holidays, but Im the mother, it was kind of expected in the field that Im in. I remember when the kids were small, back in the Santa Clause days, I worked the 6:30 am-3:30 pm shift.  My kids would actually WAIT for me to get home from work to open their gifts.  They knew how much it meant to me to watch them.  They drove my husband nuts, of course, while I was at work, but they waited.  I remember seeing their little faces looking out the window waiting for me to drive in, and then they would fall over each other running to the door to greet me. I dont know who was more excited, me or them! As they grew older, it was easier for them to wait. They were pretty used to mom working Christmas by then, and the Santa Clause days passed, but they still got really excited to see me come through the door.  I never gave it a thought back then that someday we wouldnt be together at the holidays. But here it is, this year.  Of course, I still have Christopher here at home, and I need to maintain tradition for him, and probably me too.  Of course, I dont have to work on Christmas's anymore, of course not, now that they are older. So it's boxing up gifts this year, and sending them out.  But in all my gloomy thoughts of not spending Christmas with my soldier, I came up with the bright idea that we can skype!!  We can still see each other open gifts! I will still be able to see the joy on my daughter's face! Very thankful for technology.  Emily is getting a medical discharge from the army. I have mixed feelings about that. She is very disappointed. Although she does not always like living the life with the government owning her, she had planned on making this a career, and those dreams will be shot by next year, when she gets out. Unfortunately, she will always live with an injury from her stent in the service.  Like I said, I have mixed feelings about her getting out.  Secretly happy (selfish reasons) because I truly think this will be my only Christmas without her, because she wont be enlisted next year. However, she is still married to a soldier, who could have his base changed overseas at any time.  Sigh.... Point being, she is not a kid anymore who lives with me and HAS to spend every holiday with me. I guess Im just having a hard time accepting that.  Anyway, I will make the most of this Christmas, but just not feeling it like I used to!

A year Wiser

Oddly, I had forgotten all about the fact that I started a blog in 2009! I was posting on a friend's blog and she happened to come across mine and asked if I was going to resume writing. What?? How could I have forgotten I got this thing going with the intent to keep myself updated on life's little happenings.  A year older, a few more dead brain cells!

A lot has happened since my last posting. I still live in the same house, have the same job, married to the same man, I think my car is different than 2009, but my kids.....now my kids are always causing changes in my life. And thats not always a bad thing!
Emily got married, unbeknown to us, her parents, last March. She met a fellow army soldier, fell in "love", and got married 3 months later.
Stunned, Shocked, Furious, dont even come close to how her dad and I felt when we actually "guessed" that she had married this guy. No, she did not tell us, we "guessed a week after it happened. Again, not in my life plan for her, just like her joining the military wasnt. However, I have come to decide that my life plans for her are exactly that- MY life plan FOR HER.  Wake-up call. I raised her to be a good, decent person with emphasis on not being afraid of going against the tide. I told her "be your own person, dont ever try to emulate someone or something else, express your individuality"  She takes that advice every day. It shows in the many colorful tattoos she has displayed on various areas of her skin.  Soooo  I need to back off. She is 20 now, out of my control. I am always there to support her and love her. That is my job now, and I no longer hold any of my life plans for her, because her plans really havent turned out that disasterous yet.

Christopher is a Senior! My baby! Now Christopher has no life plans at the moment, and I dont hold any for him. He will find his way through life. He can get by on his personality alone. He is a kind, funny, caring sort of guy. Everybody's friend.  I am proud of both of my kids, no matter how it turns out.

I have grown wiser in the fact that I am able to relax a little. I am able to let bygones be bygones, and not to let the small stuff build into big stuff. Things that bothered me last year, dont bother me this year. I find myself looking forward to the future now, rather than dreading it. Life is good