Holidays

As long as I can remember, November, December and January have always been my favorite time of the year.  I love the holidays that fall within these months.  However, this year, Im just not feeling it. This is the first year in my daughter's life that I will not be seeing her for any of the holidays.  She is stuck at Fort Bragg, working.  There was many a year I had to work on the holidays, but Im the mother, it was kind of expected in the field that Im in. I remember when the kids were small, back in the Santa Clause days, I worked the 6:30 am-3:30 pm shift.  My kids would actually WAIT for me to get home from work to open their gifts.  They knew how much it meant to me to watch them.  They drove my husband nuts, of course, while I was at work, but they waited.  I remember seeing their little faces looking out the window waiting for me to drive in, and then they would fall over each other running to the door to greet me. I dont know who was more excited, me or them! As they grew older, it was easier for them to wait. They were pretty used to mom working Christmas by then, and the Santa Clause days passed, but they still got really excited to see me come through the door.  I never gave it a thought back then that someday we wouldnt be together at the holidays. But here it is, this year.  Of course, I still have Christopher here at home, and I need to maintain tradition for him, and probably me too.  Of course, I dont have to work on Christmas's anymore, of course not, now that they are older. So it's boxing up gifts this year, and sending them out.  But in all my gloomy thoughts of not spending Christmas with my soldier, I came up with the bright idea that we can skype!!  We can still see each other open gifts! I will still be able to see the joy on my daughter's face! Very thankful for technology.  Emily is getting a medical discharge from the army. I have mixed feelings about that. She is very disappointed. Although she does not always like living the life with the government owning her, she had planned on making this a career, and those dreams will be shot by next year, when she gets out. Unfortunately, she will always live with an injury from her stent in the service.  Like I said, I have mixed feelings about her getting out.  Secretly happy (selfish reasons) because I truly think this will be my only Christmas without her, because she wont be enlisted next year. However, she is still married to a soldier, who could have his base changed overseas at any time.  Sigh.... Point being, she is not a kid anymore who lives with me and HAS to spend every holiday with me. I guess Im just having a hard time accepting that.  Anyway, I will make the most of this Christmas, but just not feeling it like I used to!